More Than A Day--A Lifestyle!
Well, I just put my boys to bed on Father's Day. They have two beds in their room, but they cram into one together. And unless they start pounding on each other, I let them. Allison, my daughter, beat them to bed about an hour ago. Before we left the room, my wife asked them what their favorite thing about me was. Dan, my 4 year old, loved that I wrestle with him. I do that a lot and probably too rough. No joke, one day when he was about 2, I came home from work. Instead of saying, "Hey dad, let's wrestle", he said, "Dad, punch me in the face." So I did. It was a play punch! Jack's favorite thing about me is that I play baseball with him. Playing baseball with Jack means he gives me the bat and tells me to hit the ball as far as I can into the air. Did you know I can hit it all the way over the house? Not impressed? Who cares, Jack is. I thought that was a neat conversation we had in a matter of about 5 minutes. It summed up the day.
One thing I noticed was that on this day I was intentionally affirmed. I have flaws. I say things I shouldn't. I'm bad at a lot of things. Some days I'm hard to live with. But today, Sarah and the boys went out of their way all day long to emphasize my strengths and the positive things they love about me. Another thing I noticed was that it was deliberately communicated. I got cards from my parents and my wife with long paragraphs SAYING what was on their heart. My eyes saw those words. My boys SAID they love me with their voice box. My ears heard that.
We have a handful of holidays or Hallmark days that we set aside to voice our appreciation--Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, and all of that. Add to those days a birthday, anniversary, and Christmas. That's not very many days really if that's the only time we do it. What am I saying? This: Let's cultivate an attitude of affirmation in our lives. This doesn't mean false flattery where we just lay on the syrupy compliments and cliche "atta boys". That's gross and everybody knows when it's happening. Let's do less of that. And it doesn't mean that we can't take someone aside and deal with an issue that needs taken care of. Or even get into the face of someone we care about very much. We better do that. Who else will? I simply mean that I'm going to constantly look for those qualities in the lives of people that are awesome. And I'm going to say it. I can't say it when they're dead. I want to say it now. You know, people constantly hear criticism and get beat down over all the stuff they fail at. They know what they stink at! They don't need me constantly pointing it out. Instead I want to say, "I noticed that great attitude in the middle of terrible circumstances. Most people would have gotten bitter, but not you. Great job!" I want to buy them a coffee and let them know they are the most servant hearted person I know. They do their thing in obscurity and they need to know that there is one set of eyes that notices that. I want to be that guy. Everybody else is telling them their flaws. For all I know it may change their life.
One last paragraph, I'm almost done. In our affirming, let's hug and kiss and say I love you a lot. Not luv ya, but "I love you." I didn't use to be like that. Being a dad has made me more sensitive, I think. Or maybe it was having a best friend at Dallas Seminary that was Italian. Italians don't hug you. They frisk you! Serious, there's something about a deep embrace isn't there? It's sort of the exclamation mark on what you've just said or heard. Father's Day is over, but let's make this the beginning of something much better--a lifestyle of grace, intimate relationships, irresistible influence, and lasting impact. Do you think that will remind them of someone else? Yeah, me too.
One thing I noticed was that on this day I was intentionally affirmed. I have flaws. I say things I shouldn't. I'm bad at a lot of things. Some days I'm hard to live with. But today, Sarah and the boys went out of their way all day long to emphasize my strengths and the positive things they love about me. Another thing I noticed was that it was deliberately communicated. I got cards from my parents and my wife with long paragraphs SAYING what was on their heart. My eyes saw those words. My boys SAID they love me with their voice box. My ears heard that.
We have a handful of holidays or Hallmark days that we set aside to voice our appreciation--Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, and all of that. Add to those days a birthday, anniversary, and Christmas. That's not very many days really if that's the only time we do it. What am I saying? This: Let's cultivate an attitude of affirmation in our lives. This doesn't mean false flattery where we just lay on the syrupy compliments and cliche "atta boys". That's gross and everybody knows when it's happening. Let's do less of that. And it doesn't mean that we can't take someone aside and deal with an issue that needs taken care of. Or even get into the face of someone we care about very much. We better do that. Who else will? I simply mean that I'm going to constantly look for those qualities in the lives of people that are awesome. And I'm going to say it. I can't say it when they're dead. I want to say it now. You know, people constantly hear criticism and get beat down over all the stuff they fail at. They know what they stink at! They don't need me constantly pointing it out. Instead I want to say, "I noticed that great attitude in the middle of terrible circumstances. Most people would have gotten bitter, but not you. Great job!" I want to buy them a coffee and let them know they are the most servant hearted person I know. They do their thing in obscurity and they need to know that there is one set of eyes that notices that. I want to be that guy. Everybody else is telling them their flaws. For all I know it may change their life.
One last paragraph, I'm almost done. In our affirming, let's hug and kiss and say I love you a lot. Not luv ya, but "I love you." I didn't use to be like that. Being a dad has made me more sensitive, I think. Or maybe it was having a best friend at Dallas Seminary that was Italian. Italians don't hug you. They frisk you! Serious, there's something about a deep embrace isn't there? It's sort of the exclamation mark on what you've just said or heard. Father's Day is over, but let's make this the beginning of something much better--a lifestyle of grace, intimate relationships, irresistible influence, and lasting impact. Do you think that will remind them of someone else? Yeah, me too.
posted by Josh Perry at
9:49 PM
1 Comments:
I like this, its good. It is easy to spot the things that cause distaste to us, yet when something is good, we may not say two words about it. I guess I have a self-centered attitude when it comes to this. As long as you are pleasing to me I’m ok with what you are doing. The second you do something that displeases me, I am quick to point it out. This is not to say that I shouldn't point out things that displease/upset me, but it raises the question why do I not point out those things that are pleasing to me? Why do I not show appreciation of what other people do?
How does it speak of me when I am condemning people for their "wrongful" actions? Do I seem hypocritical? I am sure that I do, especially if I have never affirmed them in anything good. If I have never complimented or affirmed someone in something they do, what right do I have to criticize them?
As Christians (myself included) are we not quick to point out those things that people do that are not in alignment with God's word? It seems the loudest Christian voice is that of condemnation to the world. They know what we are against, they know what we believe is wrong. They just don't know what (or should I say who) we are for. Our faith is not based on a list of wrongs, or on a list of things we can't do, yet it seems that is what we are known for. We (I) condemn what is wrong but fail to affirm what is right, and which is more important? Which would people be more apt to listen to? Which would have the greater impact?
-Beemer
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